Concern or a lack of faith?
By Ron Cune
Independence is a quality that is greatly valued in the Netherlands.
When a little child falls and does not cry, we tend to let the child get back up on its own. Chinese act differently. They will immediately rush to the child’s side and ask if it’s alright.
From a Western perspective the Chinese are, therefore, often deemed to be overly concerned, also where friends and colleagues are concerned. In China this display of concern is a way of taking an interest as well as a way to show respect.
This can be extremely uncomfortable for Westerners. The repeated asking whether you need help may induce a feeling of lack of faith in your capacities.
Further, the overly concerned Chinese host who spends every minute looking after his foreign visitor’s every need, is regarded as someone who draws all attention to him or herself.
The best response is to thank the ‘relief worker’ in a friendly yet strong manner whilst assuring them that your tasks are entirely subordinate to theirs.
Ron Cune, Dragondancers
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December 15th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Ron you may be pleased to know I saw a situation at the Beijing Olympics that was both humourous and countered your argument that Chinese parents will run to the aid of their fallen child.
A small boy, about 2 years of age, was lying on the ground, after (I assume) falling out of his pusher. He lay on his stomach, left arm raised, in an almost ‘Willem Dafoe in Platoon’ plead for mercy. His Chinese parents stood behind, ignoring him (with a smile) and telling him to get up. His academy award winning performance was in vain though. He got up, and sat back in his pusher.
December 15th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Hi Morry, for sure I am pleased. It’s a pity my in-laws didn’t see that ;-)
December 20th, 2008 at 4:27 am
Hi, Ron,
Actually it is simply a kind of etiquette for Chinese to take care of guests, though it may sometimes make westerners uncomfortable. Take it easy. ;-)
Regarding the examples of the kids, I think both of the situations you can see in life. I guess it is because so many families just have 1 kid that some of the parents will treasure the kid in a extreme way.